The Biggest Lie We Tell
When you ask someone how they are doing, chances are they’re likely to respond with the all-too-culturally-appropriate “I’m fine.” We’ve all been guilty of it at one time or another. We tell it to others, and we convince ourselves to believe it as well. It’s not always a lie, but it’s not always true, either. It may in fact be one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves and others.
Can you give yourself permission to be something other than “fine?”
Many of us grew up in households where our emotions were mishandled. Even though our caregivers may have been doing “the best they could,” many of us still lived the reality of our emotions being dismissed or invalidated. Some of us were downright abused. So what did we do? We coped in the best way we knew how: we acted out, we retreated inward, or we put on a mask and pretended that we were okay when in fact, we were not.
These maladaptive methods of coping carry into our adult lives if we aren’t careful. We fall into the trap of “I’m fine” without even realizing it! Have you ever stopped to consider that quickly reacting with “I’m fine” may actually be a way that you continue to invalidate your own emotions and experiences rather than allowing yourself space to be what we truly are?
Now…I’m not saying that you should pour your heart and soul out to the cashier at the store or that it’s appropriate to burst into tears in front of the young girl selling cookies, but I am saying that there are plenty of alternatives to “fine” that may actually be a much more accurate reflection of what you are experiencing! Consider giving yourself permission to become a more authentic version of yourself by being counter-cultural. Instead of “fine,” is it possible to come up with a different adjective to describe how you’re doing? Are you content? Heartbroken? Exasperated? Disillusioned? Excited? Blessed? The list is as endless as our emotional experience is complex.
Are you actually fine? It’s okay if the answer is yes. That most certainly can be our experience! But consider extending yourself the grace and kindness of validating your own experience by responding to others and to yourself with a word other than “fine.” Do what you can to give others the courage to do the same. Consider asking yourself the question “how am I really doing today?” Answer it honestly. Reach out for support if you need it, or celebrate if things are going well! Begin to be a living example of emotional validation to yourself and to others. Let go of the need to hide behind a mask of false contentment. What a powerful and refreshing impact that can have!
