What's Your Story?
We have all heard the saying, “life is about the journey, not the destination.” But what if our “journey” has been riddled with trauma and hardship? Or, what if we feel like we’ve had it pretty easy overall? Regardless of the experiences that we have had so far in life, what we have been through shapes who we are as well as who we are on our way to becoming. But whether our experiences have been full of difficulty and sorrow or joy and peace, perhaps it is the meaning that we take from these experiences that matters the most. How can your perspective on your story so far shape the way that you navigate the here and now?
Whether positive or negative, our life experiences shape the way that we interact with the world. Interestingly enough, many meanings can be taken from the same experience–this is something that we have the power to choose! For example, someone who has lost a loved one may choose, in their grief process, to apply the meaning, “everyone I love will leave me. I shouldn’t get too attached.” Alternatively, they may instead take from that experience, “I need to make the most of every moment with the people I love. I should live my life to the fullest!”
In my previous therapy work with people struggling with addiction to drugs and alcohol, many of my clients would share about their lifelong desire to reach a point of sustained abstinence and recovery from drug or alcohol use. In tears, they would sit across from me in my office and lament, “I messed up again. I wish this would just go away; why do I keep doing this? I’m so weak!” To which I would respond, “Wow, you have so much resilience and strength! Even though you slipped up, here you are again, refusing to give up.” There are always two sides to the coin of any experience–at least two ways to look at something that we have gone through. We can choose to glean a life lesson that propels us toward our goals, or we can choose to internalize a negative message that bogs us down with shame and prevents us from moving forward. We can choose to fall into regret and get stuck in ruminating on what we can no longer control, or we can rise with the strength and awareness that our past offers us.
If you find that you have applied negative beliefs from your past experience to your present life, and you are ready for a change, be aware: these things take time! Choosing to view your story in another light, and choosing to glean new beliefs that alter your worldview will take time and effort! Sometimes, it takes a long time! In doing so, you are rewiring your brain, training it to think about the world, other people, and even yourself differently. Have compassion for yourself in the process, and understand that every moment is a new opportunity to refocus and reset if needed.
There is power in the way that we view and tell our own stories. No matter what your experience has been so far, there is always a way to derive a meaning that will support rather than hamper you as you navigate this present moment. Your story is unique to you; so also are the meanings and lessons that you allow yourself to take from what you have been through. Your experiences will shape you, for better or for worse. In the effort toward gleaning motivating lessons and a strength-based view of yourself, give change time to take effect, and watch as your hard labor begins to produce fruit in your life. If this hits home for you, but you feel like you need extra support to get started, reach out to someone in your support system, whether it be a close friend or family member, or a therapist! Don’t wait, start today.
